I opened my laptop this morning for the first time in a long time. So long I can't really remember the last time I did. I am listening to Make War by Bright Eyes and breathing in every word Conor says like a holy script.
I have to stop leaving the key to my bedroom cabinet in the lock. Some day someone is going to waltz right into my bedroom, spy the key and open the cabinet.

I don't think I'm subconsciously trying to live life on the edge... though I say that all the time.
I don't know why I say that.

My compter password is my friend's fiance's name. I created the password before I realised they would be dating. And I think I thought I was in love with him.

In hindsight, all feelings were real but they weren't for him... I imagined that everything wonderful I had ever dreamed of in a boy was exactly what he was. Now I know him, I see he isn't what I had hoped and is nothing like the magical, poetic soul I pictured. Though it appears he makes my friend very happy.

Now those awful feelings just fly around in the nothingness.

But evenso, my password is still his name. I suppose I must like to live life on the edge. Or perhaps I'm just lazy.

At the moment all I can think of is my great desire to make someone happy.