How to Steal a Pool

It has been on your mind a while now.

It's getting warm outside, you want to wear your new red bathers and the neighbour's pool is looking bluer than ever.

That's alright, calm down. I can teach you what you want to know.

How to steal a pool is easier than ever.

Firstly, scope out the pool you want. Take into account the temperature, the depth, the shape and the scenery. Scenic scenery is best.

Also, make sure the pool you decide on is not one you will be caught stealing. You do not want to steal an 'obviously stolen by you' sort of pool. Be clever.

Once you've decided on "the one" it is time to mentally claim the pool. If you feel game, tell the pool "I'm coming back for you", and wink, slyly.

Go to your home. Step outside the back door. You should find yourself in a "backyard". This is where you want to put your new pool.

Dig.

Dig.

Dig.

Dig until you have a really big hole. Have you seen the film Holes? Good. See those holes they dig? Dig a bigger and deeper one.

Dig until you have a pool shaped hole.

Put a tarp on the bottom and throw some rocks onto it. This will give your pool both practical-ness and aesteticalprettiness.

Go to the store. Not the regular bread, milk and newspaper sort of store, but the big smelly hardware kind. The kind that sell buckets and rope.

Buy some rope. Buy some buckets.

Tie the buckets together with the rope. You want a string of buckets.

Sit with the string of buckets in your laboratory. Lock the door, have no visitors. Do not answer the phone. Guard the string of buckets 'til nightfall occurs.

It is time to dress into your spy-gear.

I should not have to teach you about spy-gear.

Tip-toe out to where the pool is to be stolen from. If it is not in tip-toeing distance, do not take the bus. Instead, drive a car that looks like this. Wear a hat. Bring the string of buckets.


THROW the string of buckets into the pool and allow to fill with water. The retrieve and drag back to the hole you dug in the "backyard" Empty the buckets into the hole.

Repeat these later stages until the pool is in your property.

You are Welcome.

Lief out.