Back in Black.

It has been brought to my attention that I haven't posted in a while and that my blog is probably feeling used and abused. I don't want to make anybody feel like that, especially some poor little blog that loves me so.

Is there another blog? Some younger, trendier blog on the side? Do I file for a divorce??

These are all questions that this miserable blog has been wondering.

The truth is, there is no-one else. But I never loved you, blog. I only liked you for your looks.


Speaking of looks, I am officially a burns victim and half my face is fearsome and revolting. I shall wait this one out to see if things improve.

As a way of celebrating life, today I decided to cook up a storm.

... Butter Chicken!!

I thought of the funniest idea for a game involving clues, choices and you.
It is very hilarious and very offensive. Kind of like 'Guess Who' but 'Guess who he is dating'
There would be a list of clues read out about how you have been dressing, what you have been drinking, how you've been acting and the music you've been digging. Because they are a direct result of the person you are dating, you desperate bore.

Aerial Arts

This is the next goal.

I graded from Yellow to Orange-tip in Ju Jitsu recently and after seeing these performers last night at work, I have decided I am absolutely inclined to perfect this amazing ability.

I've always had this terrible spot in my heart that feels like some dim, faded, expired passion for dance that would have thrived given the opportunity. I am too old to begin ballet. Besides, I can't afford that. Ballet is a ship that sails early in ones life. Most that the will and the passport climb aboard for a beautiful journey. I believe I lost my ticket and missed my chance.

Learning silks would probably make my overall and eternal sadness somewhat less of a detriment as opposed to a vague absense.

I must do this!!!

Watch this space, kids.

Lately I've been hideously busy with life in the disguise of work and writing. Lately, though... I have been feeling like I'm currently in SYSTEM FAILURE MODE. I can't tell if the worst is over and I am preparing to re-attempt the productivity... or if I am about to succumb to some terrible breakdown. I also stole this brilliant diagram. I wanted to reference the owner! But as I saved it to my USB long ago I have no idea who the creater is... Enlighten me if you will! I am listening to jazz at 1.37am and trying to decide whether or not the noises coming from under the haus are worth worrying about. Tonight was supposed to be an early night. I have work in the morning. Then I am applying for a job on a boat. A BOAT. Then it is to Pancake Manor before retiring to a party. There are too many dresses on my bed so I can't sleep. I need to buy coathangers. I need a walk-in wardrobe. Or not. Maybe I need to take off my work shoes and walk in the hinterland with the wind in my hair. *** That red dress I wanted from Pushing Daisies?!

Well, I like to think this was a nice effort. It's similar, don't you think? P.s This photograph of me was taken at the wedding of the lovely couple who live in a Doll Haus.

These words ought to be included in the english language.

Life plan.

Obviously the best way to avoid wasting my life is this:

STEP ONE

- Finish diploma of Justice Adminstration. I only have two subjects to go... even if they are hideous online subjects.

- Continue making my magazine and attempting to make a name for myself.

- Invite Beau over so he can teach me how to use my recording equipment.

- Begin doing a yoga class a week (aim to be able to do this by the end of the year)

- Continue doing Jiu Jitsu once a week (aim to become a blue belt by the end of the year)

STEP TWO

- Go to London at the end of this year or next (depending on whether I get into university mid-year or not) and work in a classic London Pub. This will be a place for taking it easy and having fun. Also saving a little money. I also want to go all around Europe and to my beloved Italy. I must improve in Italian before I return.

STEP THREE

- Finish degree in Arts (Where I shall increase my knowledge in all things I am interested in that won't make me a career aka photography, writing, music, sociology and Italian. But ALSO science.)

- Do degree in MEDICINE and take up yoga as more than just a hobby, but a LIFESTYLE.

I can study medicine and be a yoga teacher whilst I learn. God I want this. But I also want to be an infamous writer-slash-female-version-of-morrissesy-mixed-with-Conor-Oberst.

This seems so obvious. And so freaking simple. But right now I feel like this:

Day 2: Who I am most closest with and for the longest time...

This is a slightly depressing question because automatically I think the answer MUST be my mother. And it's probably true. The person I am closest with and have been for the longest time is the person who is moving three hours away at the end of the year. I don't want to think about that so I shall call in my back-up plan, Drunkle. My wonderous, drunk uncle.

Above is a picture of the two of us in 2009, on a treni from Florence to Pisa. We were pretending to be angry at one another, but I can't remember why.

Anyway, here are some things that have been inspiring me lately, something chronic.

Um. This cottage. It was well time I started looking for potential homes for the whole "moving out" thing, and found THIS increible little place on Red Hill, what three minutes to the city instead of an hour (where I am now)? And.... it has a LOFT.

Which is quite handy, seeing as one of my favourite bedrooms is....

This coat. I decided to spend my last $200 on it. Because nothing is more important than doing homeless in styyyyyyle.

This CD. I love this band. I was on a bus, it was very in the morning, coming home from the valley, and this amazing band came on the radio, with all it's morrissey-esque voice and cheery accordian-ness. I spent about four weeks looking for them, and finally found out, thanks to Red Socks who is more of a genius than he knows.

These bottles. I took this picture with my phone camera from a book in boarders. I am going to collect fantastic and colourful bottles now.

Her hair is the same colour as mine and I love the purple. Thus I bought this eye shadow. I do not look the same. But I shall post pictures, at some stage. ;)

30 Day Challenge

30 day photograph challenge: I don't post often enough.


Day 01 - A picture of yourself with ten facts

Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest

Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show

Day 04 - A picture of your night

Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory

Day 06 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day

Day 07 - A picture of your most treasured item

Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh

Day 09 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most

Day 10 - A picture of the person you do the most ****** up things with

Day 11 - A picture of something you hate

Day 12 - A picture of something you love

Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist

Day 14 - A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without

Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die

Day 16 - A picture of someone who inspires you

Day 17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently

Day 18 - A picture of your biggest insecurity

Day 19 - A picture and a letter

Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel

Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget

Day 22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at

Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book

Day 24 - A picture of something you wish you could change

Day 25 - A picture of your day

Day 26 - A picture of something that means a lot to you

Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member

Day 28 - A picture of something you're afraid of

Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile

Day 30 - A picture of someone you miss














Day 1: A photograph of me and ten facts about myself:

Facts:

1. I actually have red hair now.

2. I don't want to die until after I have recorded a song... with Conor Oberst.

3. I don't wake up properly until the sun has gone down.

4. I wish my feet were prettier and that I had blue eyes.

5. I want to study medicine.

6. I am terrified about having to move out of home.

7. I am terrified about wasting my life.

8. I want to travel. Right now. As in, drive to the airport and be on the next plane out of here

9. I adore yoghurt, sushi and hommus. .

10. I do not like waking up tired.

The Radio

Just like comfortable life is lived with peers and feather,
I’m slightly off-tune, slightly out of ‘together‘. In the background (amongst the crackles and pops) I hear the distant voices behind distant clocks.
I run into you on the station untuned, where in the background voices echo like fumes.
Blame me on a station static,
Your connection is down, your life in the attic.
The radio, like a wave of life, you’ve been born into power, but the tuning’s not right.
Voices stream through white noise but the words make no sense,
Like a shiny gold dollar when your currency’s pence.
I don’t know what to call it, or what to call you, but we’re on the same wavelength, off the tuning by two.

Before we stopped talking

One night in 2010, he jokingly accused me of saving our online conversations within a word document and reading them again later when I'm alone.

I won't be complete, 'til I can call myself Bowie's doppleganger.

So out of reach, so far to go. Although, to be fair, David Bowie probably doesn't go into his bathroom with his least favourite piece of technology (Do not buy the Kodak EasyShare ZD710) and his tripod to do late-night photoshoots.

BUT NOW THAT I HAVE RED HAIR I CAN FEEL SMUG WHEN I LISTEN TO VELVET GOLDMINE, hell YES.

Forget everything I've said ever.

Nothing I've alluded to mattering really matters. No sir, not in comparison to this collossal monstrosity!

Sony NEX-5 No good? NO GOOD?

WHAT THEN, SHALL I BUY???

Panasonic LX5?

Lumix GH2?

Tonight/this morning is not so great. I started off brilliantly happy at work and at least managed to fake it after the happiness leaked away, but I'm not feeling brilliant anymore. It was one of those nights where I see him and can't help but wonder what tonight would have been like if I had ever gotten up the courage to talk to him before it was too late.

Advice: If you are not trapped yet, do not let yourself end up that way. Always be upfront, never let yourself walk into the cage of miscommunication in case you accidentally drop the key of potential friendship and can't find it. Because it is difficult to unalienate people you have purposely driven away.

I never let myself get close to people. I never, ever do... unless I don't care what they think of me at all. And only then I am honest for thrills. As a general rule they don't believe me/understand what I actually feel. They think I'm being dramatic or funny. They don't realise that when I speak with a light tone is when I am most honest. So they laugh along with the real me masquerading as a joke Which is just how I like it.

I am so so so unhappy. I will probably never completely forgive myself. I'll probably just forget and then wonder what happened between me and this person in 2010. They saw through every mask I ever put on. In ten years from now I'll think I was being a silly teenager being hormonal about whoever came along. I wonder if I am. I could swear on my life that I'm not. The only real thing I ever felt was pushed away again and again and now is gone for good. I am such a freaking douchebag.

You will notice I have put some pictures through this post so it looks more interesting than it actually is.

Things I long for

I know I've already made a post like this, but this post is different and better and more colourful with pictures and colours and colourful pictures. Like this one below. See, I haven't even seen this TV program below (Called Pushing Daisies) but I am already a fan. Anyone who looks like Zooey is automatically highly regarded on my ladder of respect and this adorable chap and in the sharp suit is someone I am bound to develop a crush on. Yes, my fur coat. I plan to buy these DVDs tomorrow. And then I am going to buy a red dress and find a nice garden to play in.

The Vintage Gypsies! It all began when my mother and our mutual neighbourly friend Kirsten the Creative decided to begin selling magnificent lights. Actually, that is a big 'ol lie. I had nothing to do with it for the first day or so because I was still in the hinterlands having a riot.

Anyway, when I came back they were on the computer looking up products and I was all "what's this?" And they were all "We're starting an online light shop, but the catch is, we only sell really amazing and pretty lights, none of this dull-boring-fail business" And I was all, "Well, this sounds fun, plus then I can say I'm part of a business and feel smug... I'll join! Every business needs a mostly useless but occasionally brilliant partner, right, RIGHT?" And they were all "Ok"

So there we have it. Vintage Gypsies. We have a facebook page and everything. Oh, and since then it has become more of a "Tupperware" style thing. Well, that is the plan anyway. We are going to have parties and sell the lights through those. How fun. I am the "photographer" of the team. Again, how fun.

Jiu Jitsu. I used to go for about six months but never often enough. I graded from white to yellow belt but then I stopped going altogether for about four months. FOUR MONTHS! :O

Well, I am going back. And regularly, too. Not just one class a week but TWO! I am going to be a blue belt by the end of the year, folks. That's the one before brown. And we all know that brown is just before black.

Buying a camera that doesn't make me want to throw it out of top-storey windows. This is something I cannot currently afford... or rather, I can afford it. Just. But then I would have no money left for Sangrias or hats. I aim to buy one of these Sony Nex-5 bad boys by May. And a Macro lens. Because Macro lenses are amazing.

London. I have grand plans to relocate to a city that people have heard of at the end of next year. I will fill my bindle-stick, put on my best shoes, slip my harmonica in my pocket and carry my guitar on my back. And then I am leaving. I am leaving to go to London.

This ROBE. Ignore the lady. Especially ignore her expression. I've been wanting the perfect robe since I saw Blair wearing the white robe in that episode of Gossip Girl where she wears the white robe. And I saw it in a shop window whilst walking through the city a few weeks ago and would have bought it except the store was closed due to flood damage. Fail. Anyhow, it was in black and now I don't know whether to buy it in black or white. What a dilemma.

Italy. If anything has been scratching at the scars of my healing heart lately, it is my dreadful longing to return to this beautiful and wonderful place. I miss Italy, something chronic, but in particular I want to go back to Florence. I miss the memories that took place, I miss the smell of coffee, I miss the fact that the sun doesn't sink until late at night and I miss the wonderful people. I feel a lump in my throat now. When I am in England, the plane tickets to Italy will be more like $200 instead of $2,500 from where I live now. One way.

Being Better. I can't explain it. I just want to be better.