Forget everything I've said ever.

Nothing I've alluded to mattering really matters. No sir, not in comparison to this collossal monstrosity!

Sony NEX-5 No good? NO GOOD?

WHAT THEN, SHALL I BUY???

Panasonic LX5?

Lumix GH2?

Tonight/this morning is not so great. I started off brilliantly happy at work and at least managed to fake it after the happiness leaked away, but I'm not feeling brilliant anymore. It was one of those nights where I see him and can't help but wonder what tonight would have been like if I had ever gotten up the courage to talk to him before it was too late.

Advice: If you are not trapped yet, do not let yourself end up that way. Always be upfront, never let yourself walk into the cage of miscommunication in case you accidentally drop the key of potential friendship and can't find it. Because it is difficult to unalienate people you have purposely driven away.

I never let myself get close to people. I never, ever do... unless I don't care what they think of me at all. And only then I am honest for thrills. As a general rule they don't believe me/understand what I actually feel. They think I'm being dramatic or funny. They don't realise that when I speak with a light tone is when I am most honest. So they laugh along with the real me masquerading as a joke Which is just how I like it.

I am so so so unhappy. I will probably never completely forgive myself. I'll probably just forget and then wonder what happened between me and this person in 2010. They saw through every mask I ever put on. In ten years from now I'll think I was being a silly teenager being hormonal about whoever came along. I wonder if I am. I could swear on my life that I'm not. The only real thing I ever felt was pushed away again and again and now is gone for good. I am such a freaking douchebag.

You will notice I have put some pictures through this post so it looks more interesting than it actually is.