I am terrified.

I feel very, very alone.

There once was a time where I made an effort to distance myself from everyone; where I consciously felt uncomfortable with someone knowing what I was thinking. I fought to hide myself very, very completely.

And now I am alone. No-one knows me. No-one realises there is anything to me. And no-one is at all curious.

I wish I could just look at just one person and have them know every single thing.

I feel so sick, my tears are unstopable and are interpreted as a sign of grumpiness or a tantrum by everyone who sees them. My mother, my sister. Both people who seem so far away and cold.

I wish I could tell you why I felt so down, I would have to start at the beginning but even then, my memory isn't brilliant and it's so difficult to think straight. And I'm terrible at retelling stories. And nearly everything I say is miscommunicated.


I feel like I am trying to describe a new colour no-one has ever seen before.