Do you ever find yourself looking at a situation which seems impossible, only to realise that the solution is visible if you take a step back... and do exactly what confirms your downfall?
I do believe this is currently my situation. I took a step, long ago, onto a boat that I can no longer depart with any certainty for it has long set sail. I am on this vessel, trapped, confused, bipola and lost in the middle of this expansive ocean of everything, all the while juggling my ponders and problems and beautiful treasures. I never meant to be grasping onto this final string. But I couldn't just drop this treasure, it would have shattered; you understand. I can't let go now, I keep juggling. Delaying the moment when I drop something, you, everything. Because as painful and confusing and oh god, incomprehensibly detrimental to my health this is... how my sanity is fading, how my mind is disappearing, how I cannot sleep.... I can't let go. I can't face the possibility of seeing you with eyes that don't fear the loss of you. Because I don't trust myself. And you need me. And I need to be needed by you.
Let's keep dancing the dance that keeps you coming back, that keeps me like a yoyo.
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