Saturday, January 8, 2011

The Rules of Facebook

You cannot change your profile picture more than once in one day unless the second one is very, very similar to the first (to such an extent that is impossible to distinguish by the naked eye).

Putting a picture of a car or motorcycle as your profile picture automatically makes you a douche or bogan and anyone who reminds you of this fact is well within their rights to do so. You are not a car. You are not a motorcycle. If you are, delete your facebook page now; you aren't meant to have an account.

The only time you’re allowed to post more than one status update in an hour is if they directly relate to one-another or are very witty and non-autobiographical.

Your total status-updates for a day should equal no more than three unless this is the only day in the past week you have posted a status update. If so, it cannot exceed five. Otherwise you are a douche and have no life.

If you add people you do not know, do not be sly about it, nor attempt to sweep it under the rug. Be upfront and let the world know: “I am on the prowl for a higher friend-count”. Also, vacuum under the rug. You disgust me.


Do not photograph yourself photographing yourself through a mirror. (This applies to everything, not just Facebook)

It is difficult to photograph yourself enjoying an alcoholic beverage. Possible, but difficult. If you can pull it off, I take my hat off to you. But if not, you are probably a douche whom is attempting to appear hardcore and such.

You are more likely to receive trolling on your status-updates if said status-update is whiny or angst-ridden. People like to pretend they are insensitive because it’s funny. This practice of “insensitivity” is often rehearsed (or rather, enthusiasts sharpen their wits) online, in particular, on facebook.


On the flipside….

If you enjoy sharpening your wits on your friend’s miseries, chose to do it over facebook. Facebook can be very useful to those who like the perks of an audience but also like to hide behind their computer-screens. The truth is, insulting people is funny.

2 comments:

  1. Yes, this post is so true.. but, I have to say, I like facebook.

    xx
    lmc

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh my gosh, this is hilarious and so true. Thanks for stopping by my blog:) xx Marisa

    ReplyDelete

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